3 Things Your Aging Parents Want You to Know (But Will Never Tell You)

We can all be a little stubborn sometimes, but even more goes left unsaid when you’re afraid of the conflict or strained feelings that may come as a result of bringing up how you feel. This can be especially challenging for aging adults who are already going through a time of transition in their life, and are concerned about alienating their adult children.

That’s why we’ve put together a short list of things your aging parents want you to know, but will never tell you. We’ve even included how you can anticipate their needs and help to strengthen your relationship.

“I need help.”

Sometimes, admitting you need help can be the hardest step of all. Your parent may not even be ready to admit to themselves that their needs have changed and they are not as independent as they once were.

How to help: Be mindful of your parent’s situation and offer help in small ways, at least to start. This might look like offering to pick up groceries or doing some chores around the house. By proactively offering the assistance you’re taking the burden to ask for help (or admit they are having trouble) off your parent.

It is very important that you never use the help that you are offering in an argument or as a way to make your parent feel guilty. Any help you offer should be done because you genuinely want to help and expect nothing in return.

“I want to be treated like an adult, not a child to be taken care of.”

This is a common fear for aging adults who are afraid of losing their independence. It can be incredibly disheartening to experience your body change and for normal tasks to become harder or impossible to do without assistance. Your parents don’t want to be a burden on their loved ones but, above all else, they don’t want to be babied.

How to help: The key here is to show your parents dignity and respect. Avoid making decisions on their behalf without consulting them or speaking down to them in a condescending manner. Their abilities may have changed but, at the end of the day, they are still the same parent who raised you and earned your respect throughout your entire life. Make all decisions about their health and care as a team and keep their wishes at the forefront.

“I’m lonely.” or “I’m afraid you’ll get busy and forget about me.”

Humans naturally desire social interaction, and nothing can beat spending time with those you love. There can also be far reaching health implications to loneliness. According to the CDC, social isolation “significantly increases a person’s risk of death prematurely from all causes.”



How to help: Your parents care about you and they want you to be happy, so they do not want you to stop living your life in order to spend time with them. However, try to incorporate your parents in your plans as much as possible. Even if you live far away from each other, you can use technology to spend time together via video chat. Prioritizing time together will go a long way for your parent’s health and create lasting memories together.